Anger Management July 7, 2008

I read an article yesterday by psychotherapist Derek Draper in Psychologies Magazine July edition entitled “Let it All Out”. The gist of this piece was about anger management and ways in which to channel anger in a positive way.

 

This got me thinking about myself. Lately I’ve noticed that I have developed an incredibly short fuse and tend to snipe at those closest to me if they so much as blink in my general direction (clearly not positive channelling at it’s finest hour). Unfortunately I cannot lay blame upon Aunt Flow’s visits because it’s been going on too long, I’ve made my way through puberty but am not yet at a ripe enough age to be going through the menopause so neither of them can be held responsible either. So I set my mind wandering back to when I recall first feeling the way I do when I’m such a “pleasure” to be around.

 

It turns out that I have been taking these ridiculous notions since summer of last year when I returned from volunteer work in Tanzania. Over there I witnessed (along with a number of other volunteers) things that you couldn’t imagine seeing in Ireland. They lived their lives in a way so foreign from what we know that the simplest elements of their lives were nightmares to those of us who were brought up in comfortable western homes where running water, toilets and ovens are taken for granted. I found it really difficult in the early days to deal with a lot of these scenes as they fell against the backdrop of a children’s orphanage. Those who know me are aware that I have a lot of time in my life for children, although I have none of my own yet, and found myself becoming attached very quickly.

 

However, in order to do my job I had to harden to the realities that those 54 children faced on a daily basis and although I exhausted myself for the 4 weeks I was there I left feeling I had made little difference.

 

Here is where I think the seed of anger was planted within me. Although my gripes manifest themselves in many different forms I now believe they are rooted in the disappointment I have in myself after leaving the orphanage in Tanzania going back to my life talking about what I experienced and doing minor fund raising but continuing to live life surrounded by comforts those children will never enjoy. I am fully aware that the difference in circumstances can’t be helped, I was fortunate to be born in Ireland to loving parents who still feed me from time to time and they were brought into a very different world, that’s just the way it is and I can’t change that no matter how much I wish things to be different.

 

The more I rant and rave here the more certain I become that my experiences in Tanzania have effected my view on the world as well as how I view myself. Unfortunately those views aren’t quite as bright as they were in the summers prior to 2007 but at least I now know what’s been up my nose and can start doing something about it, something a little more positive. I’ll begin with an apology to anyone I’ve been unreasonable with. I was only that way because I care about you (funny as that sounds).

 

One thing anyone reading can do for me is check out Hostel Hoff in Moshi, Tanzania and show your support for what they stand for even if you aren’t considering a life altering trip to Africa.

 

Please don’t get the wrong impression from my rambling, it is something that has forced me to take a good hard look at myself but it’s something I think we all need to do at some stage in our lives regardless of how we chose to do it. This was my way.