What do you do when someone lies to you. When excuses take on a form beyond what you thought that person was capable of. When someone doesn’t step up and play the honesty card, when they attempt to transfer blame and guilt and in doing so they hurt you even more.
What happens then when you discover the truth? When it’s been teasing you for weeks and finally the penny drops after our recent late night meetings and poisonous passion.
Suddenly what was once so sweet is bitterly sour.
I’ve been looking around me alot lately and seeing people who are disgustingly happy. They’ve rosy red cheeks of joy, they’re humming along to Christmas songs already, the recession is the last thing on their minds as they sit smugly on their ready made nest of “perfect”….
The jealousy is boiling within me as I sit at home, alone on a Friday night glued to the television while attempting to browse the net in a bid to prepare for the coming week of work…
I WANT TO BE AT THE LATE LATE TOY SHOW TOO!
I is drunk.
I found out today that my future is as stable as an elephant on a tight rope. So I figure, drinks on Saturday in Myland. Sure why not. Things can only get better eh?
I’ve been watching alot of crime programmes lately, from CSI to Bones to Criminal minds and much more. Having been talented at disecting things in the past I have turned my talents to tearing apart my own life bit by bit and examining the shreds to find it is at it’s lowest and is in need of a perk. I recommend Sutterhome rosé, it is quite the remedy (dosage=bottle per problem). I’m on my 2nd so do the math.
So anyone for a recession session?
What a week. I’ve spent most of it in limbo, feeling fairly numb to the world, letting most things pass over my head unnoticed, blurting absent minded thoughts and dropping dishes left right and centre.
Last night was the best craic I’ve had in a couple of weeks. Curled up on the couch with my new comfort blanket (yes I have regressed), fire blazing and my charming housemate (who is quite the threat with spoon in hand) sitting in the armchair buzzing at the thought of last night’s Munster match.
We had a giggle and a gander at the beasts as they entered the stadium, put our cases forward for best looking rugger bugger (didn’t resolve it in 80 minutes needless to say), woke the neighbours when Warwick scored the drop goal and changed the subject swiftly when he kicked the ball out on the last play.
I never thought sitting on my ass watching rugby would be the hoist to lift me out of my recent lull. If I’m honest it probably wasn’t so much the game than the company and the banter. I have spent the last week an incoherent mess, thankfully with two housemates who possess the patience of saints and have forgiven my many rants. It’s amazing how difficult times separate the true friends from glorified acquaintances and how bright that silver lining can shine through.
I’m just starting to make friends with the new me, one of many friendships I’ve neglected in the past few years.
Thank you to those who have been patient and understanding with me, those people who will remain friends always.
I have been known to love the thrill of a rollercoaster or two. Spending the day getting giddy about the speed and excitement is something I have yet to turn down. Until now.
My life lately has taken a turn that has resulted in the emotional cortex of my brain spinning around in loops on a ride I’m really not enjoying. In any given day I can go from ridiculously hyperactive, bouncing of the walls and feeling invincible to curling into a snotty mess with the orange pillows above the matching ones straining myself to move even an inch.
This has been my life for the past few weeks and I’m so dizzy I can’t figure out the who, what, where, when and how of me anymore. I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin. I feel I have to reinvent myself and I don’t know how.
Feelings of loneliness, inadequacy, bruised pride and confusion battle bursts of excitement and sillyness creating a more than flustering mess. People write books on this shit all the time and yet noone can tell me how to get off this rollercoaster safely. Jumping off would seem the easy option unfortunately the harness is on too tight.
