Disc Jockey

Off work. Yawn. Nothing decent on tv. Yawn. Munster gone to Munster leaving me home alone. Yawn. Pain. Yawn.

I’m fed up…been off work all week and don’t know what to do with myself today. Popped in to make sure all was in order and was swiftly told to get out. A doctor’s note is a powerful thing that not only refuses entry to the workplace but banishes you to the confines of your normally cosy home. I’m sitting here wrapped in a blanket with a hot water bottle strapped to my back wishing I had the strength to light a fire and warm the love shack up for Munster’s return (that and to prevent him finding me bluer than I am already). 

For the past few years I’ve asked Santa for a new back but he keeps bringing me coal I can’t lift…(he’s a cruel sinister man) and well quite frankly the one I have is attacking me as of late. Early Saturday morning it haunted my dreams fooling me into believing I was being tortured by God-knows-who and waking to shooting pains down the entire left side of my body. Following this came numbness and loss of power to the entire left, limping and spagetti arm syndrome was the twist of the knife before being told to get to the nearest hospital asap. It was just like House with a Wicklow accent. A few doctors later I’m told my back is fecked (which I could have told them myself) and I’m subsequently drugged to the skies on a cocktail of this-that-and-the-other that is far inferior to a jug of Mai Tai. Funnily enough one of the happy pills they’ve given me is also used for recovering alcoholics…people can be so presumptuous when you’re arriving into A&E slurring you’re words and looking like you fell off a table.

Anywho, although I’m bored senseless I seem to have plenty to think about and while I’m not mentioning this to anyone too close to home for fear of molly-coddling I’m laying eggs over the MRI that’s on the agenda. Not because of what the result may show or the possibility of surgery but because the mere thought of those machines makes my claustraphobia behave like the disgusting little green dude on the cough syrup ad.

Basically, I’m at home, bored, overthinking shite and need something “back friendly” to occupy myself with. Sitting at the computer has now exhausted its abilities to distract as my back has begun to squeal for attention so suggestions from anyone who comes across this would be welcomed with tagliatelle arms.