The things money can buy… December 1, 2008

My credit card has bought me so many pleasures lately. On Saturday it got a workout in George’s Street Arcade where I purchased an incredible corset and pencil skirt that I poured myself into (or rather Darren poured me into-he’s in the wrong business). Sunday saw me hand over the remainder of the loan I received from my Dad.

 

Today the ATM whizzed as it counted the notes. My hands began to shake. I knew what I was doing. I had made my decision. This is it. I walked down the street trying to hold my head up high, trying to battle the tickle in my tear ducts and the itch in my throat.

Buzz.

 A phone call later I hear footsteps. I’m met with a mother’s hug. A woman who represented a family I grew to love as my own. I placed the package into her hand and smiled in an attempt to conceal the aching. “I’m doing ok”, I lied.

 

Today I purchased closure.

Tit for tat? I think not. November 30, 2008

What do you do when someone lies to you. When excuses take on a form beyond what you thought that person was capable of. When someone doesn’t step up and play the honesty card, when they attempt to transfer blame and guilt and in doing so they hurt you even more.

 

What happens then when you discover the truth? When it’s been teasing you for weeks and finally the penny drops after our recent late night meetings and poisonous passion.

 

Suddenly what was once so sweet is bitterly sour.

The green eyed monster is here… November 29, 2008

I’ve been looking around me alot lately and seeing people who are disgustingly happy. They’ve rosy red cheeks of joy, they’re humming along to Christmas songs already, the recession is the last thing on their minds as they sit smugly on their ready made nest of “perfect”….

 

The jealousy is boiling within me as I sit at home, alone on a Friday night glued to the television while attempting to browse the net in a bid to prepare for the coming week of work…

 

I WANT TO BE AT THE LATE LATE TOY SHOW TOO!

Recession Session? November 20, 2008

I is drunk.

 

I found out today that my future is as stable as an elephant on a tight rope. So I figure, drinks on Saturday in Myland. Sure why not. Things can only get better eh?

 

I’ve been watching alot of crime programmes lately, from CSI to Bones to Criminal minds and much more. Having been talented at disecting things in the past I have turned my talents to tearing apart my own life bit by bit and examining the shreds to find it is at it’s lowest and is in need of a perk. I recommend Sutterhome rosé, it is quite the remedy (dosage=bottle per problem). I’m on my 2nd so do the math.

 

So anyone for a recession session?

The Wonky Factory November 19, 2008

What a week. I’ve spent most of it in limbo, feeling fairly numb to the world, letting most things pass over my head unnoticed, blurting absent minded thoughts and dropping dishes left right and centre.

 

Last night was the best craic I’ve had in a couple of weeks. Curled up on the couch with my new comfort blanket (yes I have regressed), fire blazing and my charming housemate (who is quite the threat with spoon in hand) sitting in the armchair buzzing at the thought of last night’s Munster match.

 

We had a giggle and a gander at the beasts as they entered the stadium, put our cases forward for best looking rugger bugger (didn’t resolve it in 80 minutes needless to say), woke the neighbours when Warwick scored the drop goal and changed the subject swiftly when he kicked the ball out on the last play.

 

I never thought sitting on my ass watching rugby would be the hoist to lift me out of my recent lull. If I’m honest it probably wasn’t so much the game than the company and the banter. I have spent the last week an incoherent mess, thankfully with two housemates who possess the patience of saints and have forgiven my many rants. It’s amazing how difficult times separate the true friends from glorified acquaintances and how bright that silver lining can shine through.

 

I’m just starting to make friends with the new me, one of many friendships I’ve neglected in the past few years.

Thank you to those who have been patient and understanding with me, those people who will remain friends always.

Rolling the Coaster November 13, 2008

I have been known to love the thrill of a rollercoaster or two. Spending the day getting giddy about the speed and excitement is something I have yet to turn down. Until now.

 

My life lately has taken a turn that has resulted in the emotional cortex of my brain spinning around in loops on a ride I’m really not enjoying. In any given day I can go from ridiculously hyperactive, bouncing of the walls and feeling invincible to curling into a snotty mess with the orange pillows above the matching ones straining myself to move even an inch.

 

This has been my life for the past few weeks and I’m so dizzy I can’t figure out the who, what, where, when and how of me anymore. I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin. I feel I have to reinvent myself and I don’t know how.

Feelings of loneliness, inadequacy, bruised pride and confusion battle bursts of excitement and sillyness creating a more than flustering mess. People write books on this shit all the time and yet noone can tell me how to get off this rollercoaster safely. Jumping off would seem the easy option unfortunately the harness is on too tight.

I’m getting me an education October 28, 2008

Foolishly I entered the US under the impression that a phrase book was not neccesary to communicate with the Southern folk I’d be encountering. My Paddy accent has caused wrinkled brows and vacant eyes in the vast majority of places I have set foot in.

 

A bun is not a bun, chips are not chips, garages are not garages, a trolley receives blank expressions, and a rubber does not remove pencil marks. My American just isn’t up to scratch.

 

Language barrier aside I have to admit Texas is an amazing place. Having been to California twice before I expected to feel isolated during the day, counting the minutes until my best friend returns from her hectic day but it has been a breeze finding my way around from mall to mall, concert to concert and back again. In my short stay here I have managed to introduce L to her neighbours who she has managed to go nine months without ever meeting and have befriended a sassy lady bus driver who manages to smack a smile on my face everyday I go wandering. The people here are uber friendly and will go out of there way to help in any way they can, people even pull over when they see me walking back from the mall nearby with shopping bags to see if I need a “ride”. I really have been blown away by the way people relate to eachother here along with their love of all things big and while it resonates throughout their everyday lives it’s the big personalities I really admire. The glass is half full here and that rubs off on others pretty quickly.

 

 We may give out about Americans, and I include myself in that, but they have alot to offer a stuck-in-the-mud Irish girl in recapturing her sense of self even if they can’t understand a word I’m saying half the time.

Sleep is overrated… October 26, 2008

Thirty hours after my last encounter with sleep I am sitting here thinking about how much I have actually packed in to saturday (travelling to Dallas has given me an extra long Saturday this weekend).

With a two legged journey to reach JR and the gang I managed to squeeze in a manicure in Heathrow, an appetiser which consisted of three mini burgers and onion rings (needless to say I skipped the main course) and to top off the night I attended my first pumpkin party where we guzzled wine from the biggest bottles I have ever seen and carved my very own pumpkin.

After all that sleep still isn’t a knocking. I wonder how much more I can wedge into the remainder of my extra long Saturday…

My Inspiration September 29, 2008

What inspires me? 

 

A hug has inspired this post. A hug that made it’s way to my handbag from Darragh Doyle himself. The condition of this hug was that I write a post about what inspires me.

 

I did promise that the post would be written the day after said event but work and a mighty cough have kept me from the keyboard. Forgive me?

 

It’s incredible what one will do when somebody throws something you’re not expecting right at you, when your world begins to fall apart in one fell swoop, when you’re not sure where your next home will be.

 

I’m not sure this is heading towards a post about inspiration but I’m going to go with it.

 

Kids. Kids inspire me. The way they handle situations they are thrust into, how they survive through unimaginable pain, the way they smile when it seems they have nothing to smile about. Children are stronger than we as adults could ever wish to be.

 

I hesitated as I typed that last sentence as I thought about a very close friend of mine and her enviable strength throughout a difficult adolescence. She was a rock for so many even though her own life was shaking like a leaf. I remember blinking at her through my tears as she, her sisters and her mother said their final goodbyes to her father through song. We were fifteen. I couldn’t tell you the name of that song if you paid me, all I could think was how does she do it. She kept her family from falling apart after her father’s passing, she nursed her mother when she fell seriously ill over a year later, drove in and out to Vincent’s daily during her mum’s stint in hospital on her provisional license behind the wheel of a less than road worthy Uno, while making sure her little sister made it to school every day, lunch in hand and taking up a part time job to bring in a little income for them to survive.

 

She had strength then that I’m not sure she could even recognise in herself because it was “something she had to do”. She was a young girl who did what she did because this was her life and she didn’t know any different at the time. With adulthood comes world experience and an insight into the lives of others that clouds our ability to approach life altering situations with the raw intuition that children attack hardship with.

 

Some might say that this is because children don’t understand the extent of certain situations, that they can’t comprehend how certain events will alter their life indefinitely but I disagree. I have come across children as young as 5 years who have lost a parent, been victims of abuse and have been born with a disease few of us will ever have to face. Every child I have met in these circumstances still remembers how to smile. They remember how to find joy in the simple things in life. With age adults often forget how to look at the world with new eyes, hope is often abandoned without second thought and the future becomes blurred beyond recognition.

 

I’m not sure I’m even making myself clear here. At the risk of appearing like a Trocaire ad, look at this smile…

 

 

 

This is Zawadi. Zawadi is 6years old in this picture, she’s now seven. Zawadi is an orphan in Moshi, Tanzania. Like most of the children there Zawadi lost her parents to AIDs, a disease she now lives with. Not once in the month that I spent in that orphanage did I notice one sign that she was ill or starved of human contact. This little girl went without the hundreds of hugs and kisses most 6 year olds have received in their short lives because the fear of catching the life taking disease causes people to be over cautious and refuse this cutie every cuddle and kiss she deserves (thankfully Andrew was there to supply them in bucket loads). She was just one of four AIDs fighters in the orphanage and picking them out of the entire bunch would be impossible as they tackled each day with a smile, skip and a giggle.

 

To answer your question Darragh, that smile inspires me. It inspires me to look at life through new eyes everyday. These new eyes like those of a child have the greatest vision on the world, one that shines a light many adults have lost.

 

Shameful I think not! September 23, 2008

Lottie has made efforts to resurrect me from my recent slump with this Shameful Crushes Meme. While I have little problem listing my celeb crushes it did take some time to dig out a shameful one and I’m still not quite sure it’s shameful but here you go…

 

Kevin Sexy I mean Spacey…

“Gay” I hear you say? Minor detail, nothing to worry about, it’s all speculation. He’s trying to cover up our secret relationship, throw Andrew off the scent. It’s genius if you ask me.

mmmmmm

I’ve been drooling staring at this picture (and many others) for the past while trying to figure out what it is about him.  Me thinks it’s his smile, the way it takes over his face, lights up his eyes, makes me feel all warm inside *giggle*. I guess there’s also that confidence older men exude which has that partnership with that humour which that man up there has.

 

Chandler’s knees. Chandler’s knees. Chandlers knees.