Little Miss who? October 19, 2013

Nothing much on the telebox and Munster working until 2pm has landed me on here for the first time in nearly 4 years. I’ve received a few random comments lately but the demands of a very busy year have prevented me from peeking in until now so apologies for that.

I’ve got to say it’s been a treat looking back at the old me and seeing how much has changed and what has stayed the same. I’m more in love with Munster now than I was in my “mud stained pjs”, so much so that I became Mrs. Munster in March of this year and got to rock the rocks for two months before trading them in for swollen fingers and a bump that is currently kicking with every key I hit. We’ve moved for the 4th and hopefully last time. We got our second four legged baby last year after letting our lil man go following a long battle with cancer in his short little life. We’ve tackled everything that’s been thrown at us from redundancy to health issues  and are all the stronger for it.

So I guess unless I spend my time moaning about the pregnancy induced arthritis I’ve developed I’ve very little to give out about for now. Although watch this space, sleep deprivation and spending my days with a beautiful lil poop machine that wont be able to hold a conversation may have me back here very soon.

Ciao for now

Little Miss Munster x

 

 

 

Disc Jockey December 2, 2009

Off work. Yawn. Nothing decent on tv. Yawn. Munster gone to Munster leaving me home alone. Yawn. Pain. Yawn.

I’m fed up…been off work all week and don’t know what to do with myself today. Popped in to make sure all was in order and was swiftly told to get out. A doctor’s note is a powerful thing that not only refuses entry to the workplace but banishes you to the confines of your normally cosy home. I’m sitting here wrapped in a blanket with a hot water bottle strapped to my back wishing I had the strength to light a fire and warm the love shack up for Munster’s return (that and to prevent him finding me bluer than I am already). 

For the past few years I’ve asked Santa for a new back but he keeps bringing me coal I can’t lift…(he’s a cruel sinister man) and well quite frankly the one I have is attacking me as of late. Early Saturday morning it haunted my dreams fooling me into believing I was being tortured by God-knows-who and waking to shooting pains down the entire left side of my body. Following this came numbness and loss of power to the entire left, limping and spagetti arm syndrome was the twist of the knife before being told to get to the nearest hospital asap. It was just like House with a Wicklow accent. A few doctors later I’m told my back is fecked (which I could have told them myself) and I’m subsequently drugged to the skies on a cocktail of this-that-and-the-other that is far inferior to a jug of Mai Tai. Funnily enough one of the happy pills they’ve given me is also used for recovering alcoholics…people can be so presumptuous when you’re arriving into A&E slurring you’re words and looking like you fell off a table.

Anywho, although I’m bored senseless I seem to have plenty to think about and while I’m not mentioning this to anyone too close to home for fear of molly-coddling I’m laying eggs over the MRI that’s on the agenda. Not because of what the result may show or the possibility of surgery but because the mere thought of those machines makes my claustraphobia behave like the disgusting little green dude on the cough syrup ad.

Basically, I’m at home, bored, overthinking shite and need something “back friendly” to occupy myself with. Sitting at the computer has now exhausted its abilities to distract as my back has begun to squeal for attention so suggestions from anyone who comes across this would be welcomed with tagliatelle arms.

Spend all your time waiting… October 21, 2009

Ta Daaa! *flinging back one’s “new hair” and brushing off the glitter and chalk dust one has been rolling in for the past few months*

 

Long time no see! Real sorry about that…you see…emmm…I…em… well I….Igaveupthislarkforlentthengotlazythengotbusyandthenthoughtheysurewhowouldmissme?! Then I went out one night and got a rap on the knuckles for packing it in and recently Kerryview sent me a message looking for me to report to the office and give my excuses…so here I am back in my old skin and shining like a new penny 🙂

 

Apologies in advance I don’t believe anything I write will be any good anymore as my sister just pointed out I’m smiling an awful lot to myself lately and to be honest it’s because I have nothing to complain about…I’m me again…I’m happy 🙂

 

Since I was on here last I picked myself up and gots to dusting off the debris from the previous few years and sprung into action. I got my contract renewed in that oh-so-hard-to-find-job of mine (which just became permanent today *teethy grin*), I hit the states by force for my second time in a handful of months and dove head first back into the bosom of the social life of LM past. By spring I was born again *End Scene*.

 

Anywho, I spent the first couple of weeks of the summer in the sun with one of the girls from work then the rest in the pissing rain in a tent around Ireland with my munster man for the final month and had the time of my life. I recommend it to anyone. Friends and family would have put me in the swanky hotel category as they waved goodbye to the arse of Betsy (our tempermental transport) packed to the rafters with enough camping gear to keep a family cosy. Two tents, eight counties, gallons of beer, 2 windbreakers(from Woodies and Munster) and a field later I sat in my mud stained pjs, socks outside my bottoms, the sound of flies buzzing round the lamp and looked across at Munster and it dawned on me, I’ve got it all. Everything I could possible want, feel or need at this stage in my life was mine it wasn’t just dangling in front of me anymore.

 

It’s funny how time plays tricks on us, how what you believe should take time can happen in moments while an instant can last a life time.  A year has turned my life upside down and it needed it. I took chances and remained true to my impulsive self, much to the dismay of family and friends who wanted to roll me in cotton wool for months and greeted Munster with narrow eyes, he did not deserve, in the beginning. With that little bit of protection and buckets of  support I made it, I made me smile, I did it, not my family, friends or Munster even though they all do, I did it for me this time, by myself.

 

I guess what I’m trying to say is you could spend all your time waiting for “it all” to come and ride off into the sunset with you on a white horse with a cocktail in one hand and kebab in the other (mmm hungry!), but if you’re dwelling in a place that stinks and you’re not looking beyond the tissues and tears you’ll miss it.

 

Kerryview I hope you’re proud of yourself you’ve got me rambling on this thing again although I’m sure Munster is delighted with his night off from entertaining my random thoughts and ‘bright’ ideas *giggle*…Anyway I’ll say “bye bye” for now and I’ll see you when I see ya.

 

Laters Gaters 🙂

Come on everybody, levy party! February 6, 2009

Date: March 2009

 

Theme: Big lips and Payslips

 

Venue:  Dáil Éireann

 

Proof of pay deductions will be required on entry.

All those in attendence must be suitably pissed off!

It’s not hard to fall when you flow like a cannonball January 22, 2009

I’m striding to work. Both hands loaded with my previous night’s sweat and blood. I begin to pick up the pace after my cautious crawl downhill. “Isn’t the ground pretty, so sparkly…”.

 

It’s a big day for me, my future rests on one man. Inspector Hatchet. I made sure to practise batting my eyelashes and flashing sweet smiles in the mirror before stressing about what one must wear for such a man. I went Katie Holmes in Dawson’s Creek on my ass. “The wholesome, safe, reliable look would be right up his alley”, I decide.

 

All primed I gather the fruits of my labour giving them one look over to be sure to be sure. Turning the key and blaring Kings of Leon down on my iPod I bounce down the street brimming with confidence. “Today is gonna be a good day”.

 

I smile at randomers, juggle bags from one shoulder to the other and wave at a grinning toddler thrilled with his rattle in the backseat of a car. I turn the final corner where my future awaits me when  my skirt ends up around my ears.

 

I had become so distracted by everything and nothing that I had failed to notice a thick patch of ice on the sloping path. I fell like a tonne of bricks, flat on my back, legs in the air, a la John Dorian. It takes me a minute to realise what had actually happened.

 

Quickly, I tuck my Bridget Jones’ out of the public eye and attempted to pull myself back up. “Phew, no one around”. Red cheeks tame down. “Shite, no one around!”. Can’t get up. I slowly gather myself together and in a daze spot a ledge close to where I’d crash landed. I slide myself down the path a little and grab a hold of the windowsill. With every last morsel of might I drag myself to my feet and edge my way to an ice free patch on the path.

 

I begin to feel every last milimetre that made contact with the ground, drawing my attention away from my blackened coat and skirt. I trudge up the hill to work, the debris on my tights loosing from my pained stagger. Tears trickle down my cheeks as the sting reaches my eyes.

 

In the gate. A collegue smiles. “All set for the today?”. I try and I can’t answer. I had a date with the packet of painkillers and a soapy towel.

Sometimes you have to get lost to find yourself January 21, 2009

I ran away. I often run to avoid the difficult things life throws in my path. I let my feet look after the problem gagging my heart and head. I rushed love and hurt out the door. I slammed the book shut on recent chapters in my life. I switched off my mind and body and drifted into my numb oasis in my little land of nothing. All feeling and sentiment paused, the rewind control removed. I tucked memories into far corners of my clouded head and closed the door on the creation of new ones.

 

The holidays passed in an insignificant blur. The night became my mistress and the day a distant stranger. Close friends battled to keep me afloat with gentle smiles and encouraging hands. They were rewarded with empty grins and forced validations of my well being.

 

Woke up. Dragged myself to the bathroom. I caught my reflection in the mirror. The lack of sleep had aged my face, it looked pained and swollen. For the first time in a long time I greeted me in the mirror. This person staring back didn’t look like me. Her nails were bitten, her eyes puffy and dark, her skin grey. She bore through me as she studied my face trying to find something familiar. A smile creeped onto her lips. She’d found what she was looking for. Me.

 

The wall is still there. The bricks are taking their time to loosen, but amidst all the hardness I found myself peeking back. It wasn’t a reflection I’d seen before but in there I found a glimpse of what I once was, someone I’d been estranged from for longer than I’d realised.

 

I’m lucky. I’m lucky I’ve found the hammer to start slowly breaking down that barrier. The hammer that has made spaces for possibility to re-enter my life and holes that spy on hope. Our defences are kicked into gear when we hurt, walls are thrown up and people we care about are often left on the outside looking in. Strength rarely makes it inside those walls and only gains entry when those bricks start to come down one by one. Some bricks are lighter than others, some weigh on you for days and other tumble down on top of you. Each of those blocks was cemented in heartache, a heartache that must be faced everytime that hammer sounds.

 

I would never be me again if I continued to live with a hardened heart, I’d be parting with any possibility for happiness. Right now I feel more awake than ever, I’ve just rejoined the human race. The troll lifestyle just didn’t suit me. I’m finally letting myself admit how I truely feel to myself and others. I can be me again now, be that happy or sad, confused or clear headed, wired or mellow.

 

No more pushing problems under the carpet. Getting up and facing it even if it’s blubbering into a pizza at 6am with your best friend looking on with her penny’s worth at the ready then so be it. Life goes on and I’m not going to miss it for anything. Better to feel shit sometimes than not to feel at all.

Believe it or no January 5, 2009

 

Fighting through the bitter cold, up the cobbled hill. Hat. Check. Gloves. Check. Coat. Check. Scarf. Check. Fabulous new handbag I just spent a fortune on still decorating my right shoulder. Check.

 

On we marched in the search for the entrance to the castle that inspired the infamous Hoggwarts. The shadow of Christmas still cast over the city as red cheeked locals enjoy their last day off before returning to the grindstone tomorrow. The cloud of last night still following us up the hill, it’s not quite ready to leave just yet. The one ‘o clock gun fires. The morning after blur scared away. Glad to see the back of it we continued on up the hill dragging each of our four who were refusing to co-operate after the torturous weekend of bar crawling we subjected them to.

 

Left or right? Right. Another hill. We’d come this far there was no turning back now. Then it hit us, just another corner and we were there, this monstrosity, my dream home! (Well to be honest if I had a cannon in my own home I think that’d suffice). So we picked up our tickets, took pictures of happy couples who’s cameras were full of pictures containing only one of them in front of every stone building they came across and began fiddling with our audio thingymagiggies. We had a listen, a look, a goo and a gaa before deciding all castles are pretty much the same.

 

I’m now sitting in the pretty lobby of my hotel. My travel partner is suffering with a case of the Winter Aids and is sleeping soundly so I figured I may aswell venture out of our cosy little room and wait for this evenings entertainment to arrive on this not so comfy chair. There are benefits to the surroundings here though, the modern decor and blazing fire come second only to the hunky ozzy to the left who has been smiling and chatting away to me this past while a charm the poorly snoozer in the room just doesn’t have right now, bless her.

 

Well my phone has just sounded to let me know my entertainment is making his way around the corner and must be greeted with a pint. To the bar I must go…

The goodies under the tree… December 29, 2008

I’m just back from my weekend in Wexford testing out my Santa present. Apparently being good does pay off, I got what I asked for 🙂 . Santa brought me lots of naughty and plenty of opportunities to put it to work.

 

My weekend of debauchery began at a housewarming in a monstrosity of a house before heading on to a session in a ickle bar in the arse end of nowhere, a place where boundaries do not exsist. Had an absolute blast with the farmer folk consuming my Guinness, blackcurrant and antibiotic bomb and dabbling in a bit of oh-so-comical cherades (which I discovered I have an incredible talent for).

 

Last night we popped back to the bar on our way back from Xtravision to check in on the casulties from the night before who were back in for the hair of the dog. There he sat on the bar licking his wounds and feeling so very sorry for himself. His checks were red from the previous night’s excitement, he really did create quite the scene. He had come down from the ceiling exhausted and well, quite battered. I have to say I did feel a little sorry for him as everyone looked on and laughed at his misfortune, he had lost the “jolly” from the previous night. Afterall T did send the hanging Santa flying across the room and into the pile of clean glasses behind the counter giving him a black eye and a bruised ego as he slumped on the counter instead of hanging with his other Santa buddies.

 

Edinburgh is just around the corner now so all Scots be warned I will be arriving Saturday with Santa present in tow.

Dear Santa December 24, 2008

I have tried and tried and tried to be a good girl this year.

 

I’ve cleaned my room, helped mum and dad, brought my sister out shopping days, been a sister rather than a second mother to my brother. I’ve loved and lumped it. I joined the gym and appear to keep getting unhealthier.

 

Christmas is tomorrow and I know this is late reaching you but God seems to have done a runner on me. I’m lying in bed, I’ve pulled a muscle in my chest from coughing, which might I add is agony, I’ve a dual infection and a migraine that could take down a pride of lions. Not forgetting the antibiotics and painkillers that cause nausea, the loveless love life and the mountain of work that needs to be done on my days off.

 

So Santa what I’d really like for Christmas is the energy to be really really naughty cause nice is getting me nowhere!

You can sail your ships around me… December 16, 2008

Have you ever felt lost in a black hole? Like life and the people you have come to love are whizzing around you and can’t see you?

 

Have you ever felt like crying at the cashiers in your local Tesco as you stumble across a forgotten photograph in the rummage for your wandering credit card?

 

Have you ever felt a smile would crack your face at times when tears seem to soften it?

 

Have you ever felt feelings you can’t control or understand?

 

Have you ever stood at the bus stop in the pouring rain letting one, two and three of the buses going your way to pass without stopping?

 

Have you ever kissed the best looking guy in the bar and not returned his calls because all you needed from him is to know you still have it?

 

Have you ever felt so hurt that you begin to push away the people who do care because you’re afraid they too will hurt you eventually?

 

Have you ever wondered if people are capable of understanding who you are and what you’ve been through?

 

Have you ever willed with all your might that a day or event will never come even though you know it will?

 

Have you ever wished time would stop and let you out for a while?

 

Have you ever wished Kleenex made bigger tissues?